Well, this is a little awkward to say the least, but like any time before, I have a reason. This year was a very trying year for lots of reasons and in my absence, I have learned so much. In fact, I have learned three core things that I intend on bringing into my summer. By the way, my summer should be really interesting, I have a really cool job with a really dope organization head quatered in NYC, doing it up! But back to this year or 5-6 months.
This year I experienced heartbreak in various ways.
I first experienced heartbreak in my romantic relationship, which has since been semi-mended. We have a commitment to improving and as we say, to always rebuild the temple.
Secondly, I experienced heartbreak from friendships I held very near and dear. We have made silent communications that those friendship nob longer and will never exist.
Thirdly, I experienced heartbreak from an academic stand point. As a black student going to a PWI it is hard to see professors that look like me, teaching that things I am interested in. I found this semester but we didn’t hit it off as I intended, which is in fact, heartbreaking.
But in the months I have been gone, I have very much been exposed to things that make me happy and as you know that is always my indented goal.
Here’s what I learned: (still working on learning)
- Being alone, isn’t all that bad. In fact its quite fun. As someone who used too ( and still, a little bit) found purpose in other people needing me, I didn’t know what to do when that was no longer the case. It separated me, I felt alone, but I realized that it was something I had been looking for anyways. To be still. To be with myself. I often had a habit of ‘going hermit’, which used to be with hoe I coped with trying to constantly fulfill others needs, since I discovered being alone. I don’t need it as much AND the energy that I want to share I will and do.
- Letting Go Matters, I used to think that anything could be remedied with time, and I used to internalize a lot of things, in fact I still do but I am, as always working on it. I used to hold on to so much, keep my mouth shut and the like but that literally benefits, no one. Most importantly, it does a disservice to you and for yourself you should always be the goal.
- F**k What People Think, this is by far the biggest lesson I had to learn. Oh, man oh man. I have spent significant time thinking of every possible scenario as to how I would be talked about, what someone could say about me and what would they think I meant if I did this that or the other. And what did I get from it? Anxiety I didn’t need, and A WASTE OF F**KING TIME. Wow, let me tell everyone as loud and humanity clear as I can, other people will do, whatever you cannot control. But you can control yourself and you should always ben striving for your own happiness. You should not have to edit in order to be comfortable. Never, ever, never.
So these are some of the lessons I have learned in my absence and am working very hard to implement into my daily life. This summer, I am aiming to write about lots of different things, as I will be working teaching myself a class and loving in NYC. I just recently turned 21 so that is a added fun part. This summer is particularly important because I will be going back to start my senior year.
If you’re willing to see what this summer will be about stick around and lets get comfortable. as always,
loving and rising,
p.s keep up with me on the gram! I post my makeup looks, my adventures and all the rest! see you there!
want to collab? email me firstname.lastname@example.org!